Why I would choose to paraphrase lyrics from the Pirates of Penzance is beyond even me. But it was there, and sometimes you have to go with it. As HST would say, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro..."

Time to put away the toys and get ready for school. There's a week worth of toil ahead before you can have your weekend cheer. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat? Christ, Pink Floyd lyrics now? I'm slippin'...

Anyways, have a great week and be careful out there...

The Treaty of Munster was signed to end the 80 Years War, King Charles I was beheaded and Oliver Cromwell was formally executed, (after being dead two years) on January 30th. Today WAS a good day!

I think that if this guy was anywhere close to me, he'd DIE! Check out the Morning Guy...

Is Sarah Silverman the next Jenny McCarthy? Or just an obnoxious, worthless twat? Let's have Reid Lyle over at Yin-Yang Mossimo Hacky Sack fill us in...

Here's something to sing along to! Check out this vid that dbasixx posted! WARNING! This may suck you in for six and a half minutes! And it's time well spent...

"Abraham Lincoln is deserving of glory, but when he starts drinkin' it's a whole 'nother story..." Check out Hard Drinkin' Lincoln. It'll give you a whole different perspective on Honest Abe...

And finally, if you've had enough and have decided to fuck it all and head to the Land Down Under, check out this post by this.is.Anfield before you do...

And to get your motor running, check out Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

And you can kiss me goodbye! And if you're cute, I wish you would! For more unabashed secular fun, Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

Have you seen her?
So fine and pretty. Fooled me with her style and ease.
And I feel her from across the room.
Yes, it's love in the third degree....

There is a lot of great music out there, no question. But there is something so uncomplicated and wonderful about some of Van Halen's earlier stuff, that you have no choice but to turn the volume to 11 and rock the fuck out! And considering how complicated most of our weeks were, I think it's HIGH TIME we turned up the volume and rocked it! At least five days a week, we're expected to behave ourselves and act like grownups. For two, I think we should be able to regress to that point in our lives where our sole reason for being was to get drunk, get laid and have the best time we could, whether or not it killed us!

Have a great weekend, and make a little noise!

I'm going to start things off with a great post from my naughty little Badgirl that made my balls tighten! Check out this cockpit camera footage of an F40 taking the track she posted on her Hotbox! Who the fuck needs Viagra when you have sixth gear?

A truly bizarre game - Demon Girl [LSFW]

Dan, the Man over at this.is.Anfield posted a great set of animated gifs for you to collect and trade, (here's my favorite...). And it would behoove you to check out Gender Gap as well, methinks...

A piece of inciscive journalism from the Onion explores the issue of companies phasing out retirement...

And from another of my favorite and utterly reliable media sources, Modern Drunkard, I give you Adventures with Alcohol - Tales from the Wild Side of Life!

And finally, from those fine, upstanding Ninjas at Kontraband, I give you Bondage in the Workplace. Giving you new and lurid ideas about those hotties who tell you they're tied up at the office... [NSFW]

And we wrap it up with Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

And with that, I'm out to rock some cradles! If you just haven't had enough, then Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

I happen to share the same birthday as the infamous Nero. Therefore I blame a lot of my eccentricities on lead poisoning and dirty prostitutes. No, that wasn't it. Ah, whatever, the prologue is out of the way...

Did you happen to know that there are 15 other bloggers that are still supposed to be on Coolio's? I find this an amazing fact since NOT ONE of 'em has been on this month! I'll cut my favorite Uber some slack, and Ang too, but what about the rest of you lot? Flip? BT may be slow, but it's been over three months since we've heard from you, lad! Get your butt back here!

Anyways, it's Wednesday, so let's get a Humpin!

In a world filled with questions, What Would Tyler Durden Do?

A soon to be classic from my Ninja drinking buddies at Kontraband - the Full Metal Jacket Soundboard

Because Valentine's Day is coming up soon, here's a cute little Teddy Bear!

The most recent installment in the excellent Madness Combat series, Madness Combat 5 - Depredation

And baby, if you ever needed slapstick, look no further than the Three Stooges website...

Finally, Double Agent gives us a vid that should have your undivided attention - Shakin' it with Sharapova!

And, without question, you NEED to visit Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

And you can color me gone! For more tales of Byronic heroics in Mig Alley, Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

I had this picture in my mind of an old cyberpunk novel, (Count Zero?), with a series of misfortunes written off to one night. Life sometimes seems that way, a pivotal moment creates a new destiny path. Where that came from, I don't know. I had a very similar epiphany on Gunstar. Contemplative moments happen, what can I say? Anyways, let's get you on the right track and give you some link love....

Would a bit of Keeley Hazel get you going? Then check out her Page 3 vid. Fan-fucking-tastic!

Kontraband posted a tasteful, dignified gallery of how to break the death of parents to kids...

Another hot piece of tail that Attu has made a Mega Gallery of! Check out Brooke Skye! [NSFW]

Another crack at Dubya's character! Check out 4 All Fun's peek at George Bush's Hotmail account...

For a Monday, this is a fucking awesome game! From TTR2, check out the Knife Thrower...

And, of course, you must check out Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

I'm done for the day! If you demand more, then Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

We must sometimes be careful about what we choose to believe. But there is one universal that you can believe in that is an irrevocable fact, in a few hours. And that is that it's the WEEKEND!!!

I did a great rant on the subject on Gunstar, so if you want it, go there. Otherwise, have a really terrific time, don't get thrown in jail, and/or don't get caught....

Get the Funk out! My Ninja allies at Kontraband are known for posting some great content, but this is a true gem! Check out this do-it-yourself movie! And just for your added pleasure, how 'bout a bit of the old Ultraviolence? Check out Xiao Xiao - City Plaza

Can we ever really get enough porn? I think not! Attu posted this Mega Gallery of Zdenka that should give us something to think about this weekend besides our hangovers... [NSFW]

I first found out about Hoogerbrugge because of his excellent Hotel series. But there's so much good stuff here, I'll just let you start at the main page and find out for yourself...

You ready for something a bit off kilter? Then check out Bankomat!

Sudden impact just took on a whole new meaning for me. Damn! And on a completely different note...

From the time I post this, only 51 days, 6 hours, 27 minutes and 54 seconds until Bahrain...

Need to kill a little time? Then Spank that Ass! [LSFW]

And finally, from Modern Drunkard, I give you Rip Griffin, Drinking Detective...

And, of course, you need to check out Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

And I'm out of here faster than you can down that Irish Car Bomb! For more misanthropic malfeasence, Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

Take one of the most absurdly hardcore German bands around, (Rammstein), and have 'em sing a "love song" in Spanish, and you get the brilliance that is Te Quiero Puta. Vamos, mi amor!

That, my friends is my contribution to the state of the nation and the world! It's Humpday! Get Some!

First off, I need to give my naughty little minx, the Badgirl, some love! Savannah's got hijacked by some asshole, so check out her new site, Badgirl's Boobie Bar. It's worth a look. Or two. Or six... [NSFW]

Every once in a while, I like to resurrect an old favorite. Today's blast from the past is the Cult of the Dead Cow. Check out what the 3l337 H@xx0r world has to offer...

And Laud and Magnify the genius of Craash 420 and thank him for the following outstanding links:

Tripod, performing their classic, Make you Happy Tonight...

What happens when horses have too much free time - Clydesdale snowball fight

Finally, the most effective martial arts against animals. Don't take any guff from the swine. Literally!

Because we LIKE Drunk Party Girls, check out this post from 4 All Fun! [NSFW]

Truly off the beaten path! A church made completely of Legos, from Braindepot

If you just need a site to fuck off and act badly, I highly suggest Beer.com! [LSFW]

And if you're sick of it all, then I suggest you try out the Generator Blog's new Suicide Note Generator. Here's mine...

And to get you back in the right frame of mind, I highly suggest that you take a trip over to Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

And you've gotten enough out of me. But if you still crave more, (which you probably do, you deviants!), then Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

I've already complained enough about it being Monday on Gunstar and Cardinal, so I'll save you another rant. I will say that is is Martin Luther King Day, and I hope that if you're a citizen of the United States and lucky enough to have today off, that you thoroughly enjoy yourself!

Now where's my coffee...

To get this goin', check out this great post from dbasixx that let's you Command the Carwash Babes! If art only imitated life... [LSFW]

I love cool facts and Wikipedia has an abundance of 'em! Check out this great post of their on the Texas Ranger Divison. And not the ball team that Dubya once owned...

From Flambore, check out this cool post of the Hong Kong Skyline.

One of my link partners on Gunstar, check out My Space Babes! Naughty doesn't even begin to describe some of these vixens! [LSFW]

The Goose's brother George, (also known as Slaphead Goose), has been given an even stiffer sentence for crimes against humour. Check out an example of this cheeky bastards idea of funny. Then post what his sentence should really be in the comments section!

And finally, a Rum and Monkey test to see what kind of Genocidal Maniac you are...

And do visit Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

And that's all you're getting out of me today. Unless, of course, you want more. Then you should Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

I don't even remember half the crap you're supposed to avoid, not do, or beware of. And I really don't care. It's Friday the 13th! What's most important about today is that it's FRIDAY! While you should avoid stepping under ladders anyway, don't make a fetish of it today just because it's a pagen holiday, (unless you LIKE making a fetish of it...). And remember that your weekend is only hours away and you're freedom is at hand!

Now go forth and create your own reasons for the pagens to fear!

In case you were curious, here's a post of what's happened on January 13th, and some background on Friday the 13th from the incomparable Wikipedia!

And if you're just a major fan of Jason Voorhees, then check out the Friday the 13th website...

Good Goddamn! Check out this incredible vid that the Ninja brotherhood of sin at Kontraband posted - Hot Lingerie Models

From my 12 Step Sponsor, Modern Drunkard, I give you one of the most important articles of our time - How to Perpetuate the Weekend Getaway!

Because I feel that being able to surf where you want, when you want, without some bullshit corporate firewall blocking your access to great sites is of paramount importance, I give you another tool in the War Against the Man - Browse at Work!

My naughty and wonderful little Badgirl posted this classic comic on her Hotbox, in case you missed the Sister's lecture on the subject - Good with God

I posted one of these girls as my Cowgirl of the Day a while back, but you NEED to check out this incredibly hot gallery of FSU Cowgirls! Truly, this is a good reason I feel proud to be an American! [LSFW]

Because they live a somewhat clandestine life, I don't think that my friends at Double Agent get the exposure they deserve. Take a look, and I think you'll see why they deserve to be bookmarked...

And to take you to the bridge, I give you Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

Alright kids, that's all for me for a few days! If you still need that extra shot of lovin', then Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

I'm not really here. I do NOT have the free time right now to be screwing around. I have work up to my ears. Homework past due and a test to study for. And I haven't returned the call of this cutie I got a number from two days who I have a feeling is worth dialing. So obviously, I'm not blogging today. Shhh....

My man Centrocampista, the fiendish mind behind Blogywood, posted this vid of puppets lipsyncing Kiss. Check out PISS...

Ouch! From the mad collaberation of Attu and Yaikz!, check out this Braindepot post of the Drunk top 12 of 2005!

From Burning Camel, I give you another classic vid - Who Let the Dogs Out?

Remember Flip? You see him, you tell him to quit screwing around and get his butt back here! Now!

From one of my favorite sites, Technoccult, I give you the Ouroboros 2006 calender

Finally, I have to give some love to my favorite pornstar partner in crime, the Pierced Vixen. If you haven't check out Red Pistol Entertainment, and the plethora of really great sites she has, you're seriously missing out! More porn than you can shake your dick at! [NSFW]

Last but surely not least, take a look at Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

Now, I've got shit to do. So if you're not sated, then Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

I like my new job. I still hate Mondays. I don't think that it really matters what you do, Mondays will always be the root of all evil. If there's one of you lot out there who really LOVES Monday, please comment below and tell us all your secret. My assumption is that it involves sex or psychotropics....

Anyways, we're here. So we'll deal with it, one way or another. How 'bout some links? Would you like that? I bet you would! And for that reason, I'll kick you down some love...

To get this party started, Kontraband put together a bad ass kompendium of the naughty little hottie Kate, prancin' and dancin'.... Either [LSFW] or [NSFW]

this.is.Anfield posted this very important FAQ

A bitchen timewaster that I found at TTR2 called Little John's Archery 2

Reid Lyle has a site called Yin-Yang Mossimo Hacky-Sack that is quickly becoming one of my favorites. Why? Check out his post for Dumbass Product: Power Nap Sleep Center

I might get sick of it someday, (doubtful), but in the interim, I once again give you Kenya. Forget Norway!

And finally, from Newgrounds, I give you the Ultimate Showdown...

And for your daily inspiration, I give you Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

And now we are into it! For further ways to delay the inevitable, Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

I had a much more eloquent rant written, but decided to trash it. I don't want Coolio's to fall by the wayside, but I can't post on a regular basis anymore either. So to those 15 bloggers who are currently signed up, Quit your lollygagging, you wayward goddamn children and get back here and POST!

End Rant. And with that, let's get to a much more serious topic. The Weekend. Right there. Waiting for you. Get wild. Chill. Do whatcha like! Take that 65 blissful, uncomplicated hours of freedom and really enjoy the living bejesus out of 'em! I task you to go out there and HAVE SOME FUN! That IS an order!

End Rant, v.2. And now, your links...

Ever wonder why I like to race? Check out this vid and you'll see. Or barf from motion sickness...

The Ninja madmen at Kontraband have given me a gallery of pics that are sure to give you pause - Why David Hasselhoff should be your only idol. I think I'm afraid. Very afraid...

I agree with my man Centrocampista, (the MAN at Blogywood!) - Nike does make some great commercials!

One of my favorite partners in crime, The Goose, posted a couple worth a look. Check out Colonel Angus and Famous Last Photographs...

My naughty little Badgirl's contribution to today's post was a great gallery of pinups that she posted on her Hotbox!

And finally, I give you part one of a three part series from Modern Drunkard - Ladies Thirst

And to wrap the links up, do go see Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women! [NSFW]

And I am 10-7 Outta Here! For more depredations on your character and soul, Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!

I KNOW this is going to be a good year! If I can use reason to break up with a woman, and have it WORK, then there is NOTHING I can't do!

Welcome to the New Year, 2006! I'm posting right now to give the Aleve a chance to kick in and to keep my mind off the ill-tempered T-Rex trying to claw its way out of my forehead. Whatever you were doing, whomever you doing it with, I hope you had a blast! And welcome to National Hangover day! Now let's get started...

In an effort to increase your understanding as well as your vocabulary, I give you the Devil's Dictionary...

My Ninja brothers in arms at Kontraband posted this truly funny gallery of Chicks Peeing...

Check out some cool facts about both New Year's Day and January 1st from Wikipedia...

The G-Nanny 911 offers you some motivation - Climb as High as you can Dream, Motherfucker! Motivation at its finest!

The Onion's infamous Year in Review 2005...

There are certain situations where it makes sense to go All In!

A nice piece of abstract - Martin Waugh's Liquid Sculpture

And for some true art, check out Coolio's Babes - Man's Tribute to Women!

And now I'm off to molest my newly ex-girlfriend on the kitchen table. You want more? Then Click Here to Get your Gun on and Click Here to be Led into Temptation...

Be seeing you!